NEWS you can actually use.....

We all know how the media wears us out with their persistent updates on pointless issues of the day: Brangelina, Your 401k/retirement/stock portfolio going to shyte, McPalin v. O-Biden, Joe the Stripper........... etc.........

Here's a fresh site giving you the lowdown on a perennial TasteMachine fave:
http://bacontoday.com/

Sweatpants Not Included

The '08 T-Machine Summit brought together a distinguished group of taste vetrans that flat out know how to play the game. It was kinda like the Last Supper only we replaced bread and fish w/ bacon and dips...i'm guessing that the wine consumption was probably consistant though.

The Summit kicked off w/ a little fireworks. Mama Machine lost control of the blender while mixin' up her red pepper cheese dip. it was so good i think we used tortilla chips instead of paper towels to clean it up.

As the festival wore on we ditched all electical devices and fired up the grill. I went with the standard procedure of grillin' about 50 Jalap Poppers. Laucher-5000 flew in some Lamb chops that were doused with some ridiculous mid-eastern sweet rub. They...were...awesome.

Eyes grew wide as the feast drew closer.

I present to you....the BACON BOWL. J.P.izza built these tasty bitches. Kind of ironic that we stuffed health into the most unhealthy invention since the McGriddle, but "delicious" knows no boundries.

We didn't get off the gas after the salad course. That's right more swine peeps. Papa Machine slaved all day on the short ribs. Boiled, beat w/ spice rub n brushed w/ bbq sauce. sweet christ they were good. Meat fell of the bone while i fell off my chair.

Pizza went solo on desert. She whipped up some hearty (yet quite delicate) cream puffs. i detected a slight twing of almond while poppin' 3 down my throat. they were a nice topping to the load already percalating in all our guts.

Anticipation is the most delicious falvor

Tomorrow marks the first Tastemachine Southeasterrn Convention. Fire up your salivary glands and whip out the wasabi. The thrills the chills the spills.

The blogosphere is abuzz with the tastes on tap: The early buzz is:

cow pig lamb

bean cheese

air.


Stay tuned for more details.....

flashin' some meat signs

The pacific northwest t-machine squad is representin' hard core. Heatstroker sent me this to me. He made this enormous freakin' meat sign for a local business. took two people to hold the dam thing up. u apparently take your fresh kill to this joint and they whack n wrap it to your liking. what a sweet job...slingin' tenderloins n t-bones around all day...where do i sign.

"THIS IS HOW DO IT..."

Found this pic of "Taylor Lagasse" floatin around on the web. looks like a 4 year old kid on christmas morning. i don't think there there is an item on that skillet that ain't fried or marinated in 3 sticks of butter. keep up the good work kid.

Tate Hits the Big Time!

"Finally", a member of the Taste Machine gets the recognition so deserved! Maybe we should now re-name this the "TATE MACHINE". It's refreshing to see that the staff at CWU recognized Tate's commitment to cuisine.

Heart of Rock n Roll

the Summer of Heat n Meat continues to roll on. this was an epic day for the carolina t-machinists. J.P. snagged one of the sweetest Magnavox floor model vinyl players i've ever seen at the thrift store. first record laid down the beauty...that's right "Huey Lewis and the News - Sport". thing works like a charm...huey was soundin like a slightly muffled Jesus when we spun him through it.

then it was time to eat. steak n chicken kabobs drew some Arseno Hall dog pound fist pumps when they stepped off the grill. and the Laucher-5000 squad brought a few mouthwatering chicken n sage sausages to the parade, topped em with a wicked mix of coleslaw and ranch....BINGO!

the night was capped by a little pastry, straight outta the mind of mrs. horner. she really hit a 4 bagger with this fresh peach pocket. rammed the peaches right in some puff pastry n topped it with a little vanilla bean cream. it was like cuttin into a brick of gold...all shiny and exciting.

Laucher-5000 was AMPED!!!

Sweet Jabari's

The Sweet Jabari wing are a gods gift to any tounge they encounter. For the Tastemachine Charlotte sect these wings are a IT and can be found at Sir Edmund Halley's pub located in a basement of a shitty 70's strip mall.
We've throughly investigated these delictable little appendages and have learned that this wing recipe is a secret held by the chef. who's name is appropriatly Jabari. we demanded to see his face one very loud drunken night...large quiet man of island decent. we thanked him, he told us a funny joke and then strolled back into his labratory. i was speechless... i just met the Babe Ruth of wing slingers for christ sakes.
the taste of the Jabari wing is nearly indescribable. all i'll say is that they create a whimsicle mix of sweet n sour spicy sauce and burnt specs of charcoal. dudes, if Diary Queen added a dolup of ice cream to these kids, they'd have a wicked "Meat Blizzard" on their hands. un-MF'in-real.



I've thrown myself at these wings 6 to 8 times now and am astonished that every single time they arrive they are cooked, look, and taste EXACTLY the same...and that's all any sane carnivore can really ask for.

I wish I'd have thought of this.....

http://buzzfeed.com/jonah/doughnut-bacon-burger

SWEET PIG'O MINE

PIGGEN'OUT! Yepper schneppers, this is how we do it in the great Northwest! Saturday afternoon pig-roast under the command of Swine-Master Brad. She dressed out at 190 lbs. and I think I consumed about half that. Marinated overnight in Yoshidas, pineapple juice and "extra" garlic. Basted and injected with the same concoction every 45 minutes over the next 10 hours of cooking time. Perfection! You can bet there were some mighty jealous coyotes lurking nearby in the sagebrush. With the combination of this incredibly prepared swinage, the host of salads, (not excluding Mary's "Death by Chocolate" and "Death by Fruit") and my favorite spirit(s), all I could muster was "SOOOOO-EEEEE --TTTT!!

MANCHOS... The New and Improved Okanogan High School Haystacks

So I just got done workin out, after work and I sat my ass down on my couch craving something, but i just didnt know what i wanted! All of sudden it came to me... NACHOS, that was gonna be the meal of the night, so i approached mother horner and nicely asked her if she could whip up a batch, then she asked "did you have a manwich tonite?" then it hit me like a train goin full speed down the okanogan river railroad tracks! why not put that manwich meat on them nachos! all ya gotta do it pop them bastards in the oven, and your choice of hot sauce (i know you guys have some sorta of special hot sauce back east) but for me it was tapatio! enjoy

Mustard Chops

These pork chops will, without a question of doubt, BLOW YOUR MIND. I know my tongue was running on all cylinders trying to keep up with 'em. from a distance they seem to be your standard fried pork chop right? WRONG! the bread crumbs are held into place with dijon mustard, instead of egg n flour. YEP... serious as a hark-attack. super simple: dump chop in mustard - dump chop in crumb - dump chop in baking dish w/ olive oil - dump chop into gut. 

eating these jobs is just a plain blur... you'll remember bits and pieces of the experience but it'll all come back to ya when you fall asleep that night and dream your flying a pork chop magic carpet through space wearing a mustard stained '74 Rolling Stones concert t-shirt. DO IT!

oh....and yes i like a little mashed potatoes w/ my butter.

"eat the mush...shut the pie-hole"

i promise i won't post very many vid clips on the tastemachine cause they annoy da hell outta me too, but i found a couple on my best friend www.hulu.com (shameless plug i know but i don't make enough dough to fight a NBC Universal lawsuit) that fit perfect on the machine. hope you find them as amusing as i did.

Meat is the new Bread!

this is EXACTLY what i'm talkin' bout people!!

Pot O' GOLD!

Don't steal his lucky charms.

or you shall be pinched by these tiny pincers

Tiny Pizzas..... not so tiny hands

Suz has gotten excellent at making these tiny pizzas.... Digorno and Freschetta and their frozen dough no more!

Pita, organic tomato paste and or pesto..... and whatever else you'd fancy on a thin pie. Here, broccoli, black olives, feta, parmy and bananna peppers.... a mediterranean fusion mess that hits the spot. I eat two in one sitting.

Black Dog

Grilled Sabrett Dogs, home-made hand chopped slaw (pickle juice is the secret) and 2 hour baked beans. Summer is upon us, even though we (Suz& Mr. Wizard) made this about a month ago. Preserved for eternity in my camera until now. Don't hate on the Miller Lite--it's delish with a blackened dog.

Go Green

dudes, this dish would have Ed Begley Jr shoutin' "AL GORE" naked from the rooftops. 

on your left is a load of pesto pasta with some wicked shimps i sauteed in a lump of butter n threw some pesto on 'em at the last second. (alright i've never been one to go fishin' in the frozen food section for crustaceans but they had a blue light special on these babies so i grabbed a bag....let's just say sometimes risks DO come with rewards). 

then i move my fork over to the right and get hit with an unbelievable asparagus recipe straight outta Salem, Oregon. steamed then sauteed w/ parmesan cheese to nearly crunchy. WOW!

this was one of the richest meals i've devoured in a good bit (...and by rich i mean heavy and by heavy i mean delicious and by delicious i mean i ate 'til i my belly button 'bout came untied). guess i need to save the planet more often.

Bacon-ators Unite

Alright folks i've been blessed with some very precious things throughout my life (like my wife, a cool house, http://www.hulu.com/, etc.) but this new discovery just may be the holy grail of taste. that's right, the key to unlock taste buds you didn't even know you had in that pie hole of yours. Ladies and Gentlemen...i give you...

BACONSALT

(http://www.baconsalt.com/, http://www.baconsaltblog.com/)

Go check this stuff out...sounds AMAZING. Some cherished soul has finally cracked the chastity belt of artificial swine and stuffed bacon in a bottle to be SPRINKLED over anything and everything...i pray that it tastes as great as it sounds.

Thanks to "mya-mya" for raising the red flag on this potential life altering product. If anyone get's there dirty little mits on this pig powder before i do, let me know (IMMEDIATELY!!).

Tasty Hot American Summer

It doesn't get much better than soilin' yourself in beers while 

standing in a neat circle around a smokin' grill...a.k.a Summertime. and you don't need to tell the TasteMachine crew when the seasons change. 

Needless to say, these Kabobs had people movin' n shakin'. when the red meat hit the table in was ON! like a scene straight outta Nat. Geo...so good.

J.P.'s "guacamole salad" was a magnificent complement to the meat n veg. trust me when i say it's good to be such good friends w/ a guac god. 

Killin' it.

Mr. Wizard on his 7th slice of grilled squash.

and this sums up the entire day after for me. Yep, another knockout meal straight into the gut.

My Only Offer

Ahh... the greatness that is Memorial Day weekend. Let me tell you folks that this was a group effort a-la Wild Hogs weekend that came together like gang busters.

First up were some jalap poppers courtesy of Big Baby Jesus (aka S. Horner). These irresistible bastards were stuffed with fresh rosemary and cream cheese before being wrapped in god's gift to the human race, sweet sweet bacon. Grilled to perfection these tiny guys disappeared faster than the lighter fluid out of Gob's shirt. 

For the ridiculous main meal I put together a guacamole salad with a chipotle sauce that just about made me cry like a woman watching Steel Magnolias. We covered that up with some hefty kabobs stuffed with all your fav meats and veggies. Mr. Wizard threw some fresh squash in the mix and the meal was complete.

Too bad we all passed out by 11 or it could have been a crazy night. Thanks scotch, thanks a lot.

Kudos go out to the Horner's for hosting, to my iphone for snapping some pics, Mr. Wizard for his beautiful flask, and to Jason for bringing some sort of heavenly dip that I cannot even begin to explain. 

Here's a song we blasted a good part of the night!

"My Only Offer" by Mates Of State from the album Re-Arrange Us

Fiscally Responsible Friday Nights

After a week with the kiddies, (despite a shredding band practice) I really needed a beer. So did J-Pie. And what better ivory to the ebony of this malted beverage than fire and animal. Inspired by salty's CLUCKFEST of last week, we set out to procure chicken and beer. (and a little guac for good measure but we ate that so fast no photo exists). However, when T-Bones are on sale for $4.99 a pound, and in these economically tough times, we did the fiscally responsible thing and forgot all about chicken. Brought em home, cracked that beer and dry rubbed some amazing spice mixes into that red flesh (Pork Chop Spice and some BBQ seasoning. (Note: when your gay uncle sends you some custom blended spice mixes from the snobbiest shoppes in Denver, you USE them... liberally) A mere six minutes a side, pull em off and drop some mixed organic greens next to it to roughage up the intestines before assaulting the colon with that rare T-BONE.

(Above left you will see my steak, and on the right the meat that now resides in J-Pie's colon for the next year)

Fud off you chic-fil-a cows, we are more YOU.

The New School Lunch

Apparently my office smells like Turkey. Not the country, the fowl. I admit, I'm a massive fan of the sliced TOM lunchmeat. Today, or Wednesday rather, I decide to mix it up and put my regular turkey and bread creation to shame. It's all about the ingredients on hand. Sliced a hunk of sundried tomato foccacia bread in half, three slices of turkey pastrami, a slice of buffalo spiced cheddar and piled on organic arugala greens. What, did I go to Ballantyne's swankiest and snobbiest deli to acquire these ingreeds? Nope, Harris Teeter. In Albemarle. Yeah, really.

MY school lunch is much tastier than a slice of MEGA PIZZA. Grade: 4.0

Holy CLUCK thats tasty!

BBQ time down south here...thank christ. popped the backbone outta this beauty and she butterflied nicely. a witches brew of sherry wine, olive oil, paprika (n about everything else i had layin around) kept this chick warm overnight. threw it on the hot spot for quick sizzle then backed that ass up for about a 45 minute long slow roast...you betcha. i had the whole neighborhood peekin' out the windows on this one kids. 

CinnaPretzel

Now this delicious piece was created by the great "Cinnabon" but microwaved by yours truly. You can prolly buy this treat at your local grocery store. all ya do is pop it in the ol hot box for a couple minutes, take it out and slather with the frosting (included in the pack). then place on a paper plate to show its simplicity. Enjoy